DEVOUT Atheist Godless Grief

Godless Grief: An Anniversary

2011-08-21T20:15:00.000-07:00

This Sept. 7th marks the 10 year anniversary of the day I lost the most important woman role model of my life. As an Atheist it was nearly impossible getting support to deal with loss. But, worse still, the country was sharing the loss that was the result of mad men who performed horrific acts in the duty of "religion". People were "praying" for those who died, when the reason they died was the prayers of some nut jobs. Prayers prevented me from Grieving. (Visit GodlessGrief.com to see my actual full response to that thought process.)

I wrote to a celebrity, to you, a hero and long time distant friend to me and others, Henry Rollins, who as many know said, "Grieve, you are allowed to grieve.". He went through a lot of sadness in his life, and put off a lot of emotion, until the wrong times for the wrong reasons. Great songs came from this, and better books, and tours of his talks, still. His rage was my serenity. Atheist minds who find archaic thought it tragic events seem to find out about each other when necessary.

Here's what bothers me. It's not a Christian country, it's a Separation of Church and State Country, at least on paper. It's a country that isn't about "christian" deities. It is a melting pot, of Buddhists, or Muslims, or even Hari Krishnas. Who is to say what a god is really, if it isn't just some great title of some list of rules people just want to pretend they follow. I've never met a single person who is a good example of their believes. Even the Amish have "time out" for the teen aged kids who may elect to NOT be Amish. If all "religions" had time outs, then there woudn't ever Be religions, gods, or anyt of that man-made trite trype.

Lennon, Shakespeare, and even Buddha was attributed to comments that mean that just being is the best life there is. It's true. Just being. Not deities, just us. Kind of great, huh? As my other uber hero, Townsend says, "Everything I know is all I need to know.... every idea in my head, someone else has said." So right SO very right. That's why I don't need, get, want, desire, expect, or otherwise feel slighted by a "must be more" god.

And yes, I miss Ann very much. I miss what she did in my life, and what she continues to do will always remain with me as long as I have faculties to remember them. I also learned that Atheists don't need an icon to cling to when things are bad, or when the pain is so deep within that almost nothing is left of our bones. I feel sorry for those who feel the need to talk to themselves expecting an answer that isn't always within. When I "pray" - that is talk to myself- I walk into the mind of someone who manages to work through my own experiences based on my own strengths, not on that of a storybook character, or whimsy. I appreciate that I have the ability to take responsibility for my own actions, reactions, and perceptions. It's who I am, not who I am based on "Peter Pan", "Hello God, It's Me Margaret", or anything from the Harlequin line.

I also remember that my loss is in sync with one of the largest events that will ever remain in history. It's not to trivialize my loss, or that of others. And, your loss may come at a time that's not convenient for the world around you. It's yours, though, and you are allowed to grieve. Henry Rollins said so, so you know it's got to be intense if no true.

What's Beyond US

2011-03-28T18:55:00.001-07:00

I have many friends from and living in Japan, and fortunately none are in the areas destroyed by the tsunamis. They have had difficulties just surviving daily life. How helpless can we feel, thousands of miles away trying to figure out what we can do to help these people? How can we still help those in Indonesia, or Haiti, or the Gulf areas which are still battling the results of nature doing its worst? What does it do to affect us personally when our grief is solely a helplessness that can't be mended?

There are many places we can send money to and hope they work specifically in helping those who are in need. But then we watch the news and see thousands of people trying to find just a photo of a family member they didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to- it's heart shattering. It's heart shattering to know that those homes and neighborhoods will be burnt to the ground in order to help clear the areas. It's heart shattering to see children orphaned, parents left childless, wise aged seniors clinging to just an orange in a school room that is now her shelter until.. no one knows.

As Atheists, we reconcile the obvious issues- The planet is made to respond with physics, geology, environmental issues- it all builds our world. We have no control of these. Nothing we can do will change that earthquakes are part of our lives. Volcanoes will eventually do what they do best. Tsunamis are nature's response to the rolling lands. Science is our reasoning, and blatant human response is all we have. We feel for the people who have lost it all because we can picture those events somehow touching us, and being part of our daily lives. No one expected Katrina to destroy thousands up on thousands of lives. No one could imagine that Tsunami in Indonesia would destroy the vacations and dreams of hundreds. We don't use prayers to handle our emotions. We don't talk to ourselves to affirm that we understand the pain of others. We use actions, or we use reason. It's all we have. It's our biggest asset.

An Atheist will look at these events and determine that life is indeed full of uncontrollable events. Our options are to enjoy our friends and family, try to live a life that we wish to live, and hope that all we do is something worthy of remembering. When we feel deepest sympathy, or even empathy, we know that babbling to ourselves isn't going to help anyone. But we may find ourselves recounting issues we face day-to-day, and reworking our own lives to be worth remembering, worthy of living, and worthy of loving others so they know they matter to us.

If you feel you need to do something I recommend visiting Interaction.org, simply because it isn't just Japan that we grieve. We mourn the pain of the children in Sudan who are now under fire by guerrillas fighting civil war. We mourn parents in Libya who can't even reach their children in a school yard without risking being bombed. We mourn those who lost families and friends in so many situations that are completely out of our control- and we can mourn them by trying to assist them. This particular organization is a clearing house of sorts of a variety of causes- freeing women from indentured servitude, saving children from slavery, allowing food to be part of the life of a child who is abandoned by parents fighting against oppression. You can reach people in the United States, Japan, Haiti, so many African Nations, New Zealand-- remember that they still are recovering from massive floods. The variety of options is vast, the needs vary from items to small donations. If you need to feel like you can DO something, I recommend this site highly.

For now, we wait, and hope, and wonder, and re-evaluate ourselves. It is all we can do, and it's all we should do-- until we CAN do more.

The Godless Grief Updates

2009-09-29T18:44:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all who have been patiently waiting for the book to be published. I finally have firm news. The book is now split into two projects, the first "Godless Grief" encompasses a variety of losses, and deals with the secular response to each. A second book is now in the development stages (several chapter completed, and an agent selling it), with the focus primarily death-related. I'm working on a second title that leaves no misinterpretation, and will guide those who need an Atheist guide to the issues we face when dealing with the death of a loved one, friend, hero- anyone.

The Godless Grief book will be released as a self-published project due to the high demand by those of you who have written me over the years. The project taken on quite a few facets since it was first written in 2002, and many of you directly are part of those changes. Several contributors have died, and parts of chapters were read at memorials. That means a lot to me as the author, and to others who take part on the Godless Grief forum.

I invite anyone to visit those pages. The web address is http://www.godlessgrief.com/forum and you will need to email atheistgrief@yahoo.com before you register so you can get an authorization to post. There have been dozens of incarnations of the forum that have changed due to spammers. Now we're pretty good about screening religious fanatics and other cruel visitors from the conversations. The talk is open, caring, and kind. That is the humanity we all seek.

If you have anecdotes or stories that you'd like to see included on the death related book, please feel free to email me as well. ALL stories will be considered for inclusion, with special attention paid to secular, (atheist, humanist), based tales. Fact checks are part of the process, so please ensure your submission can be verified. Chapters include Family, Child, Friend, Co-Worker, Ritual, as well as other topics directly relating to loss and Atheism. The book also is an open dialog between those of us of no religion, and those who carry some sort of faith in whatever it is they think is godlike.

Thank you for the support over the years. I hope you find support in these books, and I will work hard to ensure your feelings and thoughts are respected.

Not Apparently The Atheist Way

2009-03-03T21:41:00.001-08:00

I've posted this on the Godless Grief blog, but thought it wise to repost here. Some people have noted I'm not on the Atheist Way blog anymore. I decided after hearing an unending opinion of only ONE person, that it was not really interesting to me. A girl, I'm guessing, as it's posted anonymously, or under a pseudonym, seems to make it her mission to start arguments with just about anyone else who posts there. Rather than actually read a point anyone has made, she just jumps in with yet one more argumentative, and often misinformed comment, and it got to be rather dull reading. Anyone can give their opinion at a blog- but to give an opinion on every single statement is just- well, attention seeking selfishness, and doesn't offer dialog- it's a demand for monologue. Who cares? Write your own... That's my second point...

One thing I love about the Atheist community is that we're a community of very vocal individuals, as a whole. The irony of those who assume that atheists aren't community based isn't lost on me-- or many of the organizations that meet regularly. But it is a bit of a tragedy to hear that Free Speech and Free Thought aren't always in the forefront of people who congregate to discuss things godless. At the Atheist Alliance International meeting, I did note that there were quite a few people visiting the sales booths of authors, politicians, and organizations, only to offer THEIR interpretation of the booth sitter's P.O.V.

Case in point.. Dean Cameron, a righteous Atheist of fine skills in politics via theater- and all around good guy, by the way- sat at a table with his brilliant Bill of Rights Security Edition. It's a plate that cannot go through the scanners of the TSA in airports, and ensures that those who are in the job of security are taking away the Bill of Rights. Love it. Brilliant.

He was sitting there talking about this genius plan. And, he talked about the Nigerian Spam Scam Scam show, too. One woman explained HER world view, socialist, and why that HER world view should be HIS world view. She actually debated him for being of the belief that in a country that is founded on the rights of the individual, that HER rights were far more important as a socialist, and others MUST comply. What? What???

I think she missed a key point. Dean isn't her demographic. Neither am I. Yet, I get told I'm socialist all of the time. I do not believe there should be a bicameral election system, as it excludes those from the Libertarian Party, Green Party, and yes, Socialist party, to voice a vote prior to the primaries, as the Dems and Reps seem to assume they own the rights to- and that to me is archaic and sad. I don't like that any PARTY system puts more power into play than the individuals behind the vote, and I am told, this means I'm a socialist. Right. Not. Even. Close.

I think that if Amazon can count how many people like Harry Potter v. Sylvia Browne , there is a way to put a voting process in place that includes None of The Above, and ALL parties and can fairly tabulate the actual numbers behind the statistics. Maybe that's as silly as walking on the moon, but whatever. Doesn't make me socialist, it makes me a statistician with grandiose aspirations.

Then, I did the Atheists United meeting last weekend, and it was also eye opening as to what I'm apparently 'allowed" to say, as a comedian, or perhaps, as a woman. Three people felt it their duty to explain to me, what I said, and what it did to insult them, or rather in one case, what it didn't do. A lot of my writing/comedy is about what people aren't supposed to say, and for over 20 years, I make it a point of pointing that irony out during every show. But, one gent didn't quite understand that point and instead, wanted me to "just say it"...which is the antithesis of my point. One person had zero problem with me pointing out flaws in the stereotyping of people- yet didn't want me to talk about 'the Jews'. And, still another apparently huffed for a full 50 minutes after he came into the event 20 minutes late, and I made the remark, "I hope you shook twice and thought of me.." as we all heard a toilet flush as he walked in. The joke was there..yet, he was primed to tell me how much he didn't appreciate me talking about, ready? his penis. Okay. And then proceeded to tell me to "never talk about that again. Ever."

So much for free thought or free speech. But they made my point. They didn't even realize they are now part of the act. Just as the woman who tried to convert Dean Cameron to Socialism, and I am thinking vegetarianism, if I'm not mistaken- people who use free speech to shut OTHERS down aren't free thinkers in any way shape or form. They are welcome to their opinions, but to squelch another's thought process is just as wrong as any other form of censorship.

This brings me to the Fuck Censorship Show. I've been writing this for some time, and it's now part of the Short Bus Comics show. I use Barbie and some other "fashion" doll, to speak in a childlike way, about the ridiculous stereotypes we have- and if we didn't have them- we would be liars. Liars. Yep. I said it. Stereotypes exist as basic truths, and politically correct addicts are those who lie, and censor more than anyone.

I am a gimp. I own the word. I am disabled, chubby, opinionated, and frankly, enjoy it. I know I'm in pain, and I know I have great parking. I have a family that has black, asian, european, poor, rich and weirdly insane people. When someone says to me, "Don't say "gimp', that's self defeating" I think, "this person has been abused by the PC-world." Political correctness is an insufferable tool. The Bush regimes used it to label people "Unpatriotic" when they've had opinions other than christian and about the War. When anyone hangs on the "you can't say that' phrase- I have to wonder - what are they lying about and why are they censoring others?

Fuck censorship. We should be able to disagree with each other. We SHOULD be able to tell someone our opinion, but not at the expense of ordering another to think as we do. If they do, great, we get along. If they don't. LISTEN. Learn. Understand. You may get an insight as to why someone has a belief or understanding of things you do not comprehend. It's how we work as a society. But telling someone else what to say or do- without being asked, I mean, of course- is just selfish, egotistical, Bushwacked, and Censorship. It is disrespectful of that person's humanity. It's disrespectful of your own right to free speech. I may hate what you say, you may hate what I say, but who the hell am I , or who the hell are YOU to tell each other "don't say that".

And, back to the first point- who are you to try to talk so much that it's apparent you never really wanted to hear any other opinion but yours in the first place? No wonder people aren't posting to the other blog. They can't get a word in edgewise- THAT is censorship.

Fuck censorship.

A Comic Walks Into An Atheist Convention

2009-01-27T13:23:00.000-08:00

On February 22, 2009, the Atheists United hosts their monthly get-together at 11am, at the Center for Inquiry. Comedian and author, Cathe B. Jones is the featured entertainer, providing comedy relief, and discussing her books, Godless Grief, and My Doctor Is Killing Me. The event is free, and the day show also serves as a luncheon. Cathe's humor is described as vibrantly witty, thought provoking, and emphatically not politically correct, taking on the topics of atheism, racism, and political satire.

Led by indomitable Bobbie Kirkhart, the Atheists United (a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization) has a three-fold mission:

* To promote atheism through education and outreach;
* To promote the First Amendment and the separation of government and religion;
* To create and support a vibrant atheist community.
AU has a full schedule of events, often inviting vibrant speakers, and highly evolved discussions. The meeting on February 22nd is held at Center for Inquiry-West, 4773 Hollywood Blvd, Los Angles CA. This general meeting is Free and open to the public, and begins at 11am.

Kirkhart is currently the president AU, but also led organizations including Atheist Alliance International, Secular Coalition for America, and serves as board member to Humanist Studies and Darwin Day Celebrations. Her first article published nationally was "I Protest: A Santa Claus God", and was written by a woman who was devoutly protestant. Later, she learned through the efforts of her work as social worker, that her world wasn't created by any religion or gods, and since 1983, she has been a member of AU. As public speaker, author, and leader she continues to inspire atheists here and abroad with her wit, fiery sense of purpose, and ability to reach even the most ardent of the religious right.

Cathe B. Jones has performed stand-up comedy in three countries, since 1981. She has three shows in Las Vegas, performing several times a week. As an Atheist Author, Cathe works to inspire other atheists to proactively promote the idea that kindness and free thought should be practiced in all aspects of life. As a writer, her themes are action-based and humanitarian based, serving advocacy pieces. Godless Grief is the first book written about loss for and from the atheist perspective. My Doctor Is Killing Me is a patient advocacy hand book for those who have not been heard by the medical community. Her husband, Mike Jones, is the music director for Penn & Teller, and they reside in Las Vegas with their pets and pianos.

Thinking on 1945

2008-07-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

I stand out side of my house in Las Vegas, watching each penultimate moment of the explosions George Romero termed "Sky Flowers" in his epic Day of The Dead. In the background, I hear the screams of the corner bought rockets, as they are launched by children from HOA approved driveways. I think on how many of those children are waiting for a parent if not both to return from the Middle East in a war that no one quite understands. This is my forty-fifth year on the planet, and I am struck at how deeply the sight is affecting me.

At the Veterans Clinic I've met dozens of World War II, Korean, and Viet Nam soldiers, as well as those who fought in the battles of my contemporaries. Once I spoke with a man who was stationed on the Arizona. He started to talk and the entire waiting room just stopped any other conversation, and we all sat attentive to his remembrance of that day. You could hear in his voice, and see his eyes, and know that every minute of his life there after was only a shadow of what was then.

He had been a boy of nineteen. I say, boy, although, anyone who is given a machine gun, and told to either live by his wits or die in a foreign land is certainly no child. His brother was already a survivor of other battles in Europe, and was already home by the time he enlisted. Despite protests from his war-scarred sibling, he marched into the recruiting office ready to submit to duty. His first command in the Navy was aboard the USS Arizona. He was there for only a week when he saw the planes overhead, and heard the first of what he thought was several explosions. He said he was just complaining to someone that he wasn't going to have leave for weeks because he was such a rookie. The next thing he remembers is bending over the same guy trying to determine if he was alive or not, then watching water take over. You could hear it in his voice that he was still listening for the sounds in life in the dead sailor.

Not a week later, I heard the story of Pat Tillman, who was only one example of the over three thousand who had died in the war that no one understands. His death, shadowed by more confusion than most, certainly was one that was prefaced with the sound of screaming rockets, and the launch of mortar in the air. It's the loss of the thousands that diffuse my excitement of the bright lights, colors, and shiny lights of fireworks. It's my forty-fifth year and it's not a joyful experience. In 1945, the lights of the rockets were not beautiful. In 2005, the lights were equally horrifying.

And, here I am in the 45th year of life, wondering how many children are losing their parents to the same beautiful firecrackers that they are excited to see on this holiday. My innocence has finally left.

Science Goes Religious... unwillingly

2008-04-07T14:25:00.001-07:00

It's been happening for over forty years. A scientist named Peter Higgs claims there is a "god" particle which appeared just after the Big Bang. But, Higgs, an Atheist, thinks the "god" notion is just foolishness. In fact, he's just making a point that there is a place after the Big Bang that created a field that draws particles toward it made these able to bond, and thereby produced planets, stars, moons- the universe as we know it.

Higgs often gets credit for proving there is a "Greater Power" than life itself- although he doesn't make any qualms about telling his students in Edinburgh, nor the press, that the idea that this is proof of a deity or all-knowing, all powerful being is simpleton thinking. He is only pointing out that due to his theory, the comprehension of mass which developed after the Big Bang finally makes clear scientific sense.

Higgs Boson has been in theory since 1964. He will finally get the opportunity to test his theory. According to AFP reporter Patrick Baert, "The thousands of scientists who work there have spent years preparing for the experiment which will deploy the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) -- essentially the world's biggest atom-smasher -- in a bid to recreate the conditions of the 'Big Bang' when the universe is deemed to have been created."

The elder gentleman of science states he will celebrate the results with a bottle of Champagne, provided the group in Chicago testing on their own collider don't reach results first. There will be no church services, nor ritual of religious faith.

The most interesting thing regarding the response to Higgs' theory is the idea that these experiments will create some sort of black hole or apocalyptic result. This of course is a notion that anyone uneducated, and unaware would jump to, and is simply ridiculous. The scientists are well versed in what the OFF button looks like, and have worked in the field of physics long enough to extract science fiction from facts. Doctor Who will not be needed to save the planet this time.

Within the last forty-five years, major theories of science have become day-to-day facts. From the discovered paths of electrons to string theory, the greatest minds of our world have breached the boundaries of limitations set forth by any notion of gods or "outer beings". Those here on this planet, from Higgs, to Tuana, to Harding, to Pickering, and yes, even to Hawking, are truly the masters of the universe.

http://public.web.cern.ch/Public/Welcome.html

Adding RatRoomTV to the World..

2008-01-26T23:49:00.001-08:00

I haven't posted in a while because there are so many things going on lately. The biggest one- The book- is back on track now that we have an editor assigned. Whatever the title ends up being, people are invited to godlessgrief.com/phpbb/index.php to talk about loss.

And, the other news... my comedy world is getting bigger again. I'm starting a comedy school which opens February 12th at Family Music, West Sahara at Cimmaron, open house 5-7 pm. CatheB.com/clinic/about_clinic.html

Finally, my favorite project combines my critters, with the work I studied in Calarts- editing. I LOVED editing, and miss it so much, that I thought..hmmmm, got a camera, got critters, got a new computer..let's make this all work. SO I invented, "Rat Room Television". Just check out Youtube.com/ratroomtv to see a glimpse! Hopefully some how this stuff will end up on REAL tv sooner or later!

And writing... the next book is called, "I'm Just As Screwed Up As You Are" and my publisher has first dibs. Hopefully they'll like it better than the grief book. It's funny, and really a lot of fun to read. I hope to have that out to them this year.

All else... still trying to stay healthy enough to write when I can. Thanks for the support!

The Insanity of the World

2007-09-06T08:40:00.000-07:00

You have to wonder how the press puts out stories without typing ROFLMAO at the end of them sometimes. There are two tidbits that recently appeared, and any Atheist with half a wit will think it is from a spoof magazine. In fact, it's not. It's Reuters. It's real. It's pathetic. Ready?

Bill Nye Science Guy BOO

'D Off Stage:
Bill Nye, the harmless children's edu-tainer known as "The Science Guy," managed to offend a select group of adults in Waco, Texas at a presentation, when he suggested that the moon does not emit light, but instead reflects the light of the sun.

As even most elementary-school graduates know, the moon reflects the light of the sun but produces no light of its own.

But don't tell that to the good people of Waco, who were "visibly angered by what some perceived as irreverence," according to the Waco Tribune.

Nye was in town to participate in McLennan Community College's Distinguished Lecture Series. He gave two lectures on such unfunny and adult topics as global warming, Mars exploration, and energy consumption.

But nothing got people as riled as when he brought up Genesis 1:16, which reads: "God made two great lights -- the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars."

The lesser light, he pointed out, is not a light at all, but only a reflector.

At this point, several people in the audience stormed out in fury. One woman yelled "We believe in God!" and left with three children, thus ensuring that people across America would read about the incident and conclude that Waco is as nutty as they'd always suspected.

Bill Nye, the harmless children's edu-tainer known as "The Science Guy," managed to offend a select group of adults in Waco, Texas at a presentation, when he suggested that the moon does not emit light, but instead reflects the light of the sun.

As even most elementary-school graduates know, the moon reflects the light of the sun but produces no light of its own. But don't tell that to the good people of Waco, who were "visibly angered by what some perceived as irreverence," according to the Waco Tribune. Nye was in town to participate in McLennan Community College's Distinguished Lecture Series. He gave two lectures on such unfunny and adult topics as global warming, Mars exploration, and energy consumption. But nothing got people as riled as when he brought up Genesis 1:16, which reads: "God made two great lights -- the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars." The lesser light, he pointed out, is not a light at all, but only a reflector. At this point, several people in the audience stormed out in fury. One woman yelled "We believe in God!" and left with three children, thus ensuring that people across America would read about the incident and conclude that Waco is as nutty as they'd always suspected.

Yeah, that's the first story. Are you done chortling, and stuffing your tissue into the key board? Okay, here's story two. http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSEIC47086020070905

KATHMANDU (Reuters) - Officials at Nepal's state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said Tuesday.

Nepal Airlines, which has two Boeing aircraft, has had to suspend some services in recent weeks due the problem.

The goats were sacrificed in front of the troublesome aircraft Sunday at Nepal's only international airport in Kathmandu in accordance with Hindu traditions, an official said.

"The snag in the plane has now been fixed and the aircraft has resumed its flights," said Raju K.C., a senior airline official, without explaining what the problem had been.

Local media last week blamed the company's woes on an electrical fault. The carrier runs international flights to five cities in Asia.

It is common in Nepal to sacrifice animals like goats and buffaloes to appease different Hindu deities.

Yes, we are now in a world where sacrificing goats to appease Sky Gods is acceptable flight behavior. A pilot can now use a blessed knife rather than a box cutter, I guess.

Now the link to the Bill Nye story is from 1990. That's the powere of the Internet. It lets you in on stories that are nearly 20 years old, and doesn't tell you so. I got the link today in an email, and it was sent as part of a great "What is this world coming to?" post. BUT the world had arrived there back when I was still in Graduate school, and we were still driving cards made of rocks we had to push with our feet.

Yet it holds up. It holds up because we're willing to believe that these crazy people are still around barking at scientists and telling them how insane they are for telling truths. And the airline story will appear in someones blog in 20 years, because in 20 years no one will remember that it happened this year. And people will think that it's just weird enough to have happened that day. Crazy people are ALWAYS around us, and insanity because of religion ALWAYS exists.

And it's up to us to point at it and laugh.

Godless Grief Has a Publisher

2007-07-22T22:13:00.000-07:00

Godless Grief is now officially accepted to a publisher, as of Friday, the 13th.

Prometheus is NOT that publisher, despite their push to have the book finished 8 weeks prior to my actual deadline. I had planned to finish the book by the end of May this year, and Prometheus told my agent they needed it by February. Why? Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins both had top 10 released Atheist manifestos that month, so it was the spicy topic dujour on the talk show circuit, I suppose. I wasn't happy about being told to put years worth of interviews, into a haphazard text, or cram together my thoughts in mere days when I planned to breathe a little more life into chapters. Some chapters were living well on their own for months already, while others sounded rather academic, and dry. The book didn't feel right to me. But I had been told-- give them a full book, and they'll be so happy. In two weeks time they'll give you a contract and by September, you'll have Godless Grief in everyone's hands!

Well, that fantasy didn't pan out. After sending the first three chapters, as normally is done by non-fiction authors to publishers, via the agents, or not, you usually get asked for a proposal. You don't normally get asked for an entire book. So red flags should have waved. Instead, a full manuscript was expected in 11 days. Edited. I hired two editors. One of them was for typos, one of them was for clarity. Fortunately, they both got what I was saying, and are Atheists, so neither fought me on topic, or theme.

Then, after submitting said manuscript. I waited. The agent waited. The world waited. The Godless Grief forum continued to breathe and exist. People were asking about the book, and with chapters now ready for them, I posed snippets there. Why not? No publisher yet. Waiting. Waiting. Weeks go by. Finally the agent has enough and I have enough and we need to submit to other places, so we ask Prometheus what the hell is going on that they demand so much, and I get a curt note stating that the book wasn't Atheist enough, but should have declared that everyone should be putting forth Atheist manifestos. Uhm. It's a grief book. It's not an Atheist manifesto. Prometheus wasn't looking for a grief book. At least not from someone who had gone through chemotherapy or 9-11 or did comedy. they wanted me to be a former Dr. Phil gone Atheist. And they never got that I wasn't that.

So Paul Kurtz, whom I adore, not two weeks later, signed ONTO this very MySpace page..or his assistant did..so someone at Prometheus likes me. And, we moved on to other publishers. Now there is a finished manuscript. I go back and tweak it some more, with a few changes cleaning up some of the rushed words and comments, so it is smoothed out. It's still not exactly the book I wanted, but it's better and less of a "gottagetthisoutnoworprometheuswontpublish" book, and more of a practical guide and realistic approach. I now have endorsements, and people reading it for thoughts and jacket blurbs.

The word is getting out there. So much so that two of the people who worked on it, Keith Cornish and Rhys Watkins, from Australia, who died this past Winter and Spring, are now getting copies read during their memorials. Then, Atheist Alliance International uses Godless Grief as their sole source during the events at Virginia Tech. Then Clark Adams commits suicide and some of us who are friends of his are all meeting each other at the Godless Grief forum.

The forum has been a proverbial lifeline for all those grieving for a variety of reasons. Life, limb, and other losses bring people together to discuss and mourn, and laugh, and re-acquaint themselves with life again. And, even other authors are reaching out.

This press is one of the many approached by my agent Janet Rosen. Janet is friends with so many other Atheists and agnostics, skeptics and others. She knows the people there and what they do for others on the human level. Their purpose has always been to make the heart and mind a better place. I like that purpose. The personalities and my personalities seem well suited. There's something that clicked. They took my manuscript three weeks ago, sat with it a week after that, and then this week made the decision. That is professional, that is the way it was supposed to have been. That is what made me very happy. They don't play games or waste time.

Soon many of you will have Godless Grief on your bookstore shelves. Many of you will meet me in person and chat with me at those bookstores. Some of us will have to chat with those who don't understand that church and grief have nothing to do with each other, but we'll manage. In the meantime, we have this space, and we have the Godless Grief forum.

Thanks to Janet Rosen, and Sheree Bykofsky for the work and support in getting Godless Grief to the right people. And the new publisher will be a great home for the words. I think you'll find they are supportive in many ways for many reasons.

Cathe Jones

I've Been TAGGED!

2007-06-29T23:29:00.000-07:00

Looks like I've been tagged by Annalemma. The rules are as follows:

We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Don't forget to leave them each a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

So, heeeeere we blog!

1. I train rats! And if you want to see a sampling you can visit YouTube, and go find CatheJ.
2. My husband is a world famous jazz pianist, who is going to have his Los Angeles premiere on July 13th. (Oh, come on, no one said I couldn't pimp the hubby.)
3. I have a genetic disorder called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which puts me on daily morphine dosages that are equal to that of those given to people getting bones reset during surgery, and I've never felt as much as a buzz.
4. I have smoked a cigar.
5. Since March, I've lost 21 pounds, without exercising.
6. Although my current album has a minimum of 7 instruments recorded on ever track of it, I am the only member of the band.
7. I have five blogs, two of which are not available to the public.
8. My favorite food is fudge brownies, but I won't eat more than one at any time because they give me headaches.

Okay .... I'm tagging:

The Neural Gourmet!

Zen Carmudgeon

Bitchasaurus

Expired Convictions

Fish Wars on Cars

Ron's Rants

Uncouth.net

Wanderin' Weeta

Cos I really loved their names and when I read them, I loved them more...
Okay...tagged signed and delivered. Letting the games continue.... in godless we trust. ;)

Something Amazing for Teens

2007-06-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

The Colorado Coalition for Reason, CoCore.org, has done something pretty wonderful. They've put together a video program that they're distributing out to social science classes in high schools across the United States. It's 38 minutes long, so even teachers with short attention spans can watch it. The video presents an instructor in a comparative religion class with 35 students, talking rationally, and answering their questions. The idea was to present an Atheist understanding of the world view, with the importance of logic, science and reason emphasized, in a discussion of separation of church and state. This video was distributed to 16,000 schools nationwide in October of 2006, and any educator who would like to have a copy could request one, for free, from the website linked above.

It's been a just over half of a year since this was shown in schools. Some news outlets have picked up the story. Others have disregarded it with as much interested as I have in Paris Hilton. But, the greatest part of the story is that kids are now talking about it. They've begun to understand that they are allowed to have intelligent discussions, and can question ideas that have been forced upon them. The status quo isn't necessarily the truth, and many of them are learning that the foundation of the church isn't always the solid base on which truth exists. In fact, many are discovering that they are able to stand up for truth by denying lies. It's a welcoming sign of changes to come.

To this end, my hope is that more teachers bravely take on the idea that to enrich the minds of their students, they can reach out to the CoCore program. Even if these instructors are "faith" minded, and unsure as to what they might discover, just the idea that social studies include the study of those of us who carry no belief system, is surely a way to open paths of communication.

For this, I applaud this Colorado group! I am eager to see if they are taking a census of the instructors to whom the video was sent. I would like to know what questions the students are asking that had not been addressed, and if this would lead to any additional projects. If so, I hope that some people donate to this group. The project cost $8500 for the production alone, and I can surmise the postal costs were enormous. Should any group be more deserving for a project of this type, at this time, then I'd be willing to support it. But, I believe this project to be very important, and very needed for the youth of America, or anywhere.

CJ

A Piece of A Memorial

2007-06-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

Today I gave a presentation on Godless Grief to members of the Las Vegas Freethought Society and the Halvason group who wanted to celebrate a little bit of Clark Adams life today. Today was Father's Day, so I started with a little mention that it was a bit of anger in me that he made this a mother of a day, and and he made some people very angry, too. For some, the day was about being able to share their memories of Clark in an open forum, while others are still very raw over the idea that someone with that much going for him would elect suicide as an option.

It took me several tries, but I finally elected to use a part of the Godless Grief series that was written for the teen group. In this book, Atheist Angst, there is a chapter about puberty and suicide. One of the largest groups in this country who do commit suicide are kids between the ages of 14 and 18. Psychiatric journals believe this has much to do with hormonal changes, and the impact of estrogen and testosterone mired with rapid flux. There are still studies going on, but in the United States these studies are not allowed on people of certain age groups, so we may not learn how the pubescent mind develops suicidal thoughts for many years to come.

One of the young women I interviewed is a twin, whose sister shot herself in front of a classroom at the age of fourteen. Her sister, left bewildered, was convinced that their tie as twins should have been the bond that alerted her to the event to come. Instead, she was off on a day off, with friends, enjoying a field trip with her class. Although the teachers were called, her parents said that they didn't want the living daughter told until they got to the school to pick her up. The entire school was aware of the incident, and nowhere, at no time, did she have any sense that there was any thing wrong for the hours she was away. She wrote to me,

"I expected to have a sisterly sense and feel a hole in me that would let me know when she was dead, but I never got that. I never even know she was feeling depressed. I look back now and think of things she did, and think that if I really paid attention to them, she would never have killed herself at all. She would be here." Her parents disagreed, though.

"We saw her depression at every turn. When her sister would smile, she was always turning inward and never wanted to hear us tell her she was a pretty girl, or let us laugh with her. There was always something just not happy about her." Her mom wrote me a letter, and her father wasn't that gentle about it, when he wrote a few weeks later, "She cried all the time, and when she wasn't crying, she was lying about something. She lied about where she was, or who was with her, or what she wanted. She lied about what she was going to do with her life, she lied about what was in her sandwich. She just couldn't face anything as true. If it was true, it was going to hurt her. And no matter how hard we tried to make her believe she was loved, or safe, or beautiful, or anything, she was always lying about something to make it better than it was."

Pathologic lying is a sign of depression, which often is a sign of deep insecurity. In childhood, it can be turned inwards, to the point where the lies are so great, and so extreme that the liar has no understanding anymore where the lies end and where the truth begins, and somewhere in between they begin to believe they live in this world somewhere in between. For the deeply depressed, it can manifest itself as a self destructive pattern. For the deeply disturbed, this can manifest itself into a more cruel path, and sometimes lead to more criminal behavior at its worst, or malicious bullying at its least. For those who have depression, sometimes lying to oneself is the first sign of a deeper issue, and a greater need for attention. In fact, the attention one should seek at the stage when a lie is more comfortable than the truth is from a competent psychologist or psychiatrist. However, for those in deep depression, or for those who have lived these lies for so long, they are often unaware that they are in these fantasy worlds.

At today's Memorial I talked a bit about this girl's suicide and the events in her life. I think that some times we do get caught up in the "Why?" and I was still getting a lot of emails from three or four people who are still lost in that cycle of thinking. So, I'm sharing this section of the memorial with you, and I'm also including the National Suicide Hotline number, so if you need more help to handle your feelings on this issue, you can talk to someone right now.

Cathe
------------------------
What do you do?

Do you find yourself over analyzing your part in someone’s decision in suicide? Instead of asking yourself “WHY” ask yourself “What can I do now?”

This is an exercise to help you remember that you have no say in someone else’s decisions, just as someone else has no say in yours.

Take out a piece of paper and a pen or paper. Write out three things you will accomplish before the end of the day. Write out three thing you probably won’t accomplish by the end of the day. Write out three things that someone very close to you should do, by the end of the day. Ask that person to do one of the things on the list, either that you plan to do, or that you hope he or she will do. Wait.

Tomorrow, write out one thing you accomplished today that was on your list, and write out one thing that you didn’t see done, that you or someone else was supposed to have done. Did you disappoint yourself? Did the other person disappoint you? Was the disappointment intentional? Was it personal? Was it something that was a very big deal?

Now, let’s assume that the person who killed herself was in that state of mind where her actions, completely her own, were not designed to harm you in any way. She was only deciding based on the state of mind she had at that moment, the best action she had for herself at that time. Did she plan to personally hurt you, or was she only doing what she thought best for herself? Does it matter now?

When we try to ask WHY? we are telling ourselves that we should be better than the person who died, when in fact, we can’t be. We can’t be because we don’t have that person’s perspective on the issues he or she faced. We don’t have his or her life’s experiences. We don’t have his or her understandings. We can’t be better or smarter, or wiser, because we do not know where her head was, and she may have been far wiser with more information than we were party to. She may have protected us, or she may have not thought of consequences beyond. Certainly, as Atheists, we can understand that she didn’t feel her soul was condemned. For every WHY, we end up in a circular loop- WHY leads to “Why aren’t we good enough to save her?”

We can’t put that much hate within. We’re asking ourselves, “Why wasn’t I good enough to be worth staying alive for?” We are not, in fact, the sole purpose for another person’s existence, as much as we’d like to believe that to be true. Romance, or parenthood aside, each of us possesses a drive for purpose, and a drive for acceptance. For some self-acceptance is difficult. For others, material wealth is key to success. In my world, I thrive for music, and to help others, and of course, the love of my husband reminds me daily that I do have love, and kindness around me. But, for one of my best friends, being solitary, and spending time with his computer, and on a plane is very satisfying, and to lose that would destroy him. Each of us needs specific things to feel whole. We are not completed by one other person.

(From the book Atheist Angst- Teenaged Atheists and Stuff)

National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK
(1-800-273-8255)

Sometimes the press comes through

2007-06-14T12:58:00.000-07:00

You know, there have been a lot of op-ed pieces lately, touting the evils of Darwinism, a full 102 years or so after the Scopes trials. Peebles Squire, a regular columnist for the Collegiate Times posted a great item that's short, and sweet- but also kind to those who believe. It doesn't have to be, yet it is.
http://www.collegiatetimes.com/news/2/ARTICLE/9099/2007-06-13.html

Read it yourself. Honestly, I don't know if Peebles is a male or a female, but I love the name. It's close to People- which is pretty humanist. And, I don't know Peeble. The writer comes across as someone who wants the rest of the world to understand the REST of the WORLD. I respect Squire deeply. And, I respect the Collegiate Times.

While other media outlets continue to babble on about near-teenagers from Hollywood and their whines, and even more seem addicted to the non-stop drivel of "intelligent" design-- Collegiate Times has opted to open the gates to true intellect. Here we have an Op-Ed piece that appreciates Atheism, Atheists, and doesn't apologize for doing so. Kudos to both.

The Blog Roll For Atheists

2007-06-13T16:43:00.000-07:00

I have to thank Joe Crumpler. He's kindly added my blog to the Atheist Blogroll. He's also added the Blog.MySpace.com/godlessgrief blog to the same. I hope that I do you all a good service, and keep you up to date on some of the better stories regarding Atheist Humanitarian Activism Acts. This is my goal, and this is my purpose for this blog.

Cathe Jones

Putting the Right Hilton In the Press

2007-06-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

Eric Hilton is not a household name. It is too bad because Eric Hilton is the heir of the Conrad Hilton fortune. He is also doing something no other Hilton in the press is doing-- He's changing the world.

For two years, Mr. Hilton worked with several organizations here in Las Vegas to study the hunger situation. He watched a news story about the millions of people who rely on food banks and shelters and realized there was a failure in the system. Rather than adding another failing bank, or another failure shelter, he commissioned a two year study to learn the best manner to ERADICATE hunger in the Las Vegas Valley. He isn't working on a plan to patch the issue. He is working on the plan to ERASE the issue.

This week, he announced The Three Square Program. Over the next ten years, a food van program will deliver meals to millions of people. He not only discovered methods of delivering food, but he discovered methods of preparation. His organization is cost effective. It's a ground breaking, humanitarian way to provide a human service without relying on public money, and it will work.

There are no churches involved. There are no mayors involved. And, from what I can see, there aren't a lot of national reporters following him around as they are his younger relative, who sits in a jail cell for her less than philanthropic behavior. The question becomes this: how does our society reward those who do nothing for our fellow man with lavished praise and attention, yet give a man like Eric Hilton nary a mention?

My challenge to you is to keep the ideas of Eric Hilton alive. Keep the idea that someone performing an act of humanity should always be on your lips before the person creating a public nuisance. See if it doesn't change your world just a little bit for the better. It certainly has changed mine.

cj

Atheists in Uniform

2007-05-28T14:34:00.000-07:00

I want to say hello to all of the Atheists in uniform in Iraq right now, and thank them for doing a job that requires more courage, and more stamina than anyone here in the States can possibly imagine. That is to say, anyone who isn't already a Veteran.

To these people, whom I share a special bond with, I thank you, too. I thank you for providing me the ability to speak my mind, and continue do in my pursuit of freedom for all.

For when we all evaluate the words of the wise, at the end of the day, against the words of the weak, it is only the words that are spoken that are counted. Freedom to speak these words is what I am thankful for, regardless of at whom they are directed.

For this, I will remember.

CJ

Clark Adams and Suicide- My Eulogy to My Friend

2007-05-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine decided to die a few days ago. He was only 37. My stepbrother did the same thing when he was 18. There was a world of difference between the two. My stepbrother had a long history of being out of his mind, whereas Clark Adams was one of those people who always seemed to be very much in focus, and in control. Of all of the people in the world, most of the time, you'd never think of Clark as the type who would be suicidal. That is unless you knew him as a person, and not as the hero that he was.

Clark is a hero to many people, for good reason. He helped form a variety of free thought organizations, and he did so because there were gaping needs for them. People needed to know there were others who thought like each other. People needed to know that they were not alone. People need to know that like minded, and free thinking individuals can co-exist in a world where despite the freedoms that are fought for, there are millions of people who squelch those who believe in them enough to voice them.

The media and the President belittle those who speak freely, as do those who have a strange sense of moral superiority-- tossing religion out as daggers at those of us who rightfully speak our minds. Clark fought valiantly and pragmatically against this type of hypocrisy by creating organizations of voices, filled with intelligent minds, and bright spirits, and wise hearts, and thoughtful conversations. He filled the rooms and conferences with like-minded people who were willing to take on those who didn't understand that freedom of speech meant freedom from religious tyrants. These were all the larger than life qualities that Clark possessed.

But, Clark was also a human being. I met him almost months after I arrived in Las Vegas through his wife, Jenn. She and I had met through a Penn and Teller web fan board. How weird was that? I was working as a rat wrangler on their TV show, and posted something there. I was also on a radio show in town. I met a lot of people that way. I ended up meeting one of Penn's girlfriends, and she and I hung out, but I had met Jenn and she was and IS one of my favorite people on the planet. So much so she even was one of the people I wanted in my wedding. When she told me about him, I didn't know what to expect, because he just sounded like he ruled the world.

Then I met this little round fellow. He looked like a librarian, and although he was a full five years younger than me at least, he seemed as if he was ten years older. He just didn't look like this superhero I was expecting. In my mind, he was going to be Sean Connery. In my mind he was going to be Adrian Paul. He was supposed to be Clive Owen. But he was Churchill. He was Roosevelt. He was Peter Griffin from Family Guy! That's who he was!!! And he was shorter than I was expecting. But for all of who he was on the outside, on the inside, he was Sean Connery, and he was Clive Owen. He was all of those superheroes. AND, he was Peter Griffin from Family Guy, too!

Clark Adams had a wit that was beyond compare. His humor was very much in the line of the British charm. He was dry but sharp, and as a comedienne, with 21 years of stage time, I can tell you he could have kept up with me on my best day, and some of the best stage comics known to all on their best days, too. He could mutter something that the average ear would miss, but those with a better understanding of literature, or politics would be laughing out loud for days later. He never let a good jab go by without his notice.

Then there was the side to Clark that was definitely that of the poignant, if not sensitive man. There were times we would have conversations and you could see him reacting as if he wasn't as worthy. The sad part of this is he was certainly more important than most people in the room. He never came across as brazen, or brash, but instead was demure, and humbled. He deserved to be the most adored speaker, and the one most revered by all. And instead, he let the spotlight shine on others who often were far less well-spoken, or far less intelligent. When he did speak, people heard him, and they took his words to heart. They looked to him as a peer, and not a demi-god as some view Dawkins and Hitchens. And yet, he certainly could be considered as equal to them in any panel, or in any conference.

There was a side to him that was almost small. He was often deprecating to the point of shamefulness. He was not happy with his appearance. When we met, he was complaining at his "ogreness", and he apologized to me. I don't think I met a single person in my life who has ever apologized to me before for looking like himself, but Clark did. Some time later, when he lost weight, by stubbornly fighting through a diet plan. That not only meant not eating any of the foods I force people to have at my table each winter season, but it allowed him to refrain from his beloved Chinese buffet. He still managed to AGAIN apologize for not being genetically good looking enough to have the right genes to want to have children with Jenn. It didn't make sense to me at the time. But now I guess we know what he really was saying.

He was really saying he didn't think he was going to be around to have children. He was probably planning his suicide for some time. He hadn't been happy with who he was physically for most of his life. He thought he was unattractive. He compared himself to others many times when I saw him, and that wasn't as often as many other people had. I can only surmise that the private conversations he had during his marriage about his self esteem issues were sometimes about this very issue. When someone talks about their appearance with casual friends as often as that, then certainly the conversation with the ones he loves dearly can be peppered often on the same topic.

I wasn't too surprised when Jenn and Clark split up. I knew they were growing apart, and that Jenn wanted to have children. I knew that Clark was very unhappy with his looks, and worried about passing his looks onto a child. He said as much to us, in jest. But jokes come from truth much of the time. Jenn seemed to be more involved with life and living, and growing, and Clark seemed more involved with the work at hand for the Freethought Society, and the conferences, and the travel involved. There were a lot of changes that were happening with the two of them. I knew that the separations were very hard on her, and them. And, they both loved each other, so breaking up was hard, because they didn't have a "She did this, he did this" thing going on. But it seemed like they were growing in two different gardens, so it was just a natural change of life paths in some ways. I was glad that they remained friends, and I was glad that they both worked through that together, without animosity.

There was something there with the break-up that still left Clark a check mark in the "I failed at" column, though. And he didn't really take failing at things very well. That was placed next to his "Looks" list, I guess. During the last few years, he noticed a change in his body's reaction to simple things like getting up, and having any energy. He seemed more tired than usual. In fact, he thought he was battling chronic fatigue, but he wasn't quite sure. The weight loss was a way for him to get some of that energy back. Most people didn't see that side to him. I know I didn't. That was big in his life, and had overwhelmed him. This check mark in the "I Failed" column was in big, bold, black marker.

But, he had another column -- "Win".

After the split, there was a big "Up Yours" to the notion that he wasn't attractive enough to find love, or be happy again. The big check mark came in the form of Judy. This tiny woman with a broad smile entered his life, simply by being herself. I don't know the details on how they met, and I didn't ask. I just know that one day I was walking with my friend into Target and there was Clark, laughing and joking away, with a gal I met a few times before-- it was Judy! He was glowing and happy and they were just smiling away and it was like watching two teenagers on prom night. Clark Adams looked like -- well, it was apparent, Clark Adams and Judy were in love!

Son of a Gun! Go figure! At first I was a bit stunned because it was just a few months after the divorce, but after the shock, I thought, "Go Clark!" I knew that Jenn was hanging in, and had been at least spending some time out with friends now and then. Yet, this was a big surprise that was a warm Check Mark in the Win column for Clark. He really looked great, and they were just laughing and having a great old time talking about going to some place or another. Then a few months later, they were just as bubbly at the Amazing Meeting.

And yet, many people are still unaware that Jenn and Clark are divorced, never mind split up. There is a very long history, to be sure. I guess Judy is going through the "Sonny and Cher" syndrome right now. Sonny's wife was left dealing with all of those who still had no idea that there was anyone other than "Cher" when Sonny died. But Judy and Clark had plans for the future. Clark and she were talking about getting a house together. When they'd go shopping he would tell her not to buy a particular book because he already had it and it wouldn't be smart to have two of the same book in the house.

When we talked the other day, I hadn't realized how much they had planned together. Honestly, I had thought the relationship might have been a rebound one at first. It was just so soon after the divorce. So many other people assumed the same thing. Many people didn't realize that Judy is the woman that Clark was planning on spending the rest of his life with. And, what they also didn't realize is, he kept that promise to her.

For some reason, Clark had planned to kill himself. He had planned it for some time. He chose to kill himself with Helium, which meant he had to purchase the cannisters, and arrange himself. He also wrote letters. He also decided to kill himself on a night after he spent time enjoying himself with his friends. As a man who didn't drink alcohol, it was said that an empty bottle of wine was found, so in some ways, it's likely he went out as painlessly as possible for himself, and in a way that he hoped would be pain free for those around him.

The emails that I get right now all have the single word-- "WHY?"

Many people know I'm "disabled" and battle a joint disease every day of my life. I have dislocating joints. I am on pain killers, antidepressants, and will be on medications for the rest of my life, unless there are stem cells that can do the trick or whatever. I have a genetic disorder. I know what it's like to wake up and not be able to move, and not be able to stand up and not be able to handle being in a wheelchair for one more day, and all that. Jenn's seen me on bad days. Clark hasn't. He never called me and said, "What do you do if..." That wasn't who he was.

Judy works for the pharmaceutical industry. She had asked Clark on numerous occasions to seek medical help. They had planned for him to do so. He didn't.

Jenn had stood by and watched Clark lose weight, and get himself into shape. She was proud of him as he did so. She listened to him make promises, and break promises, and still after all of the plans, and all of the attempts to work things through, the answer was to break up.

Everyone who reached out to him to offer assistance was acknowledged, but never really taken up on their offer. Clark had already determined his fate. It's likely the reason why he didn't have children. He probably didn't want them to have the father who died by suicide. He knew he'd be taking his life someday, when the pain was too much for him, and didn't want a child to go through that type of loss. It was pretty unselfish of him.

Asking "why" someone commits suicide isn't productive. The real question is "What do I do now that someone I care about has done this?" We can ask "why" forever. We can ask "what could I have done" until we are dead of old age. The person who died is the only one who could have answered, and he left notes to people explaining the best he could. What we can do next is care about those around us, and see what it is they need from us.

What is it that will help Judy get through the next few minutes? What will help Jenn get through the next hour? What will help you best develop a sense of purpose now that Clark is gone? What does the future for the Freethought Society hold? What can we do to make his work continue? How do we maintain the legacy of Humanist thought?

This is what is important. Right now. Right here. Right this very minute. Does it mean going out and telling people about Hitchens' new book? Does it mean getting PBS to run a TV show about Atheism? Does it mean getting a public speaker to attend a meeting? What will continue the work that Clark did?

People die. Some of us elect to do so. Some of us are dead inside already, and just maintain the shells, living a life without purpose. Clark was never a shell. He lived a life that always had purpose. Let's work to keep that purpose alive. That is the best we can do.

Cathe

An Atheist View Of ABC

2007-05-14T18:20:00.000-07:00

I had a difficult time stomaching ABC, the Disney entity, attempting to breach the world of Atheism and Theism this past month. First of all, they did so by adding the tried and true ratings grabbers of thieving ministers, mystery saints, and exorcisms and peppered these with "Are there Atheists?" commentaries. It's amazing that they brought back one of their sitcom stars to debate the issue, and properly identified him as a member of "growing pain".

The problem came, of course, in presenting the ideas of freethinking Atheists. There were two: a teen ager who was belittled by classmates and teachers for her lack of beliefs, and her father. The other people interviewed, including Atheist Alliance International president, Margaret Downey, got little if any air time. And, Dr. Richard Dawkins, a New York Times best selling author on the topic, was given less than four minutes of air time in the two hours of one Friday event. Sad to think that John Stossel, one of ABC's own reporters, who claims to be an Atheist, wasn't even allowed to present his own feelings on the topic. According to ABC, we don't exist in the world of apple pie and baseball. Apparently, we're a rare species.

However, if you view the actual numbers, the polls taken by countries outside of the ABC realm of reason, you find that Atheists are quite a large group indeed. In fact, we as I often point out, deserve init caps, as we far outnumber Jews, Catholics, and except for Buddhists, most other religions. At least the French acknowledge us. And, so it appears do the Chinese, the Swiss, the Indians, the Australians, the Brazilians, the English, and even the Greek. If you view their country statistics, you'll find Atheist isn't a dirty word...we're listed in the civic counts and census. In fact, we are listed as one of the larger groups in each country. Fancy that!

It seems the Americans are the ones that hold on fast to the Disney way of thought. We have to grab onto the desires of dreams coming true. We want to believe that there are castles in every foreign land, and fairy princes ready to sweep us out of our dull existence. That's why we worship celebrities and ignore the realities of life. It's a fantasy world we want to live in, and we can't fathom that life doesn't exist outside of our puny little world. How sad are we as a society that we let ABC decide that for us? How sad are we that those who commented on the show have berated the people who have pointed the flaws out?

If you visit the link, you will find pontifications. Sanctimonious screamings from religious nuts to those of us who have voiced our distaste at the lack of open-minded journalism we had somehow expected from a network owned by a corporation whose logo is a mouse. You'll find beratings from babbling ministers of the bible expelling us from our demons and destroying us from their lives. However christlike they explain they are, they still find it in themselves to hate. They hate Atheists. They hate Atheism. They hate the truth.

The truth scares the living shit out of them. And that's what amused me the most. Go check that out. Tell me what you find. It's every day existence for an Atheist. It's what we get when we even bother to mention our lack of beliefs to someone so fixed in fear that they blast their babble with so much ferver and spit, you'd swear they were building a foam wall to veer away demons or something. How silly are they? I think that's sad, don't you?

Maybe they'll find a cure for them someday. I hope there's a telethon. An anti-sanctimonious b.s. telethon that enlightens the idiots. It won't happen. Death will wake them up.

Someday.

CJ

Unladylike Anger

2007-05-03T18:53:00.000-07:00

I was told I'm unladylike. It's my anger. Apparently I'm not representing my gender in the year 2007, if I'm honestly stating the following.

Jesus is a story book character, and those who buy into it are probably children on some level. Those who need religion probably need other forms of therapy, too.
The president of the United States is not a person I respect on ANY level. Nearly every crafted word, mispronounced from his lips, creates a feeling of sick deep within me. When he dies, I doubt I will shed a tear.
I much prefer the company of sober animals to that of drunken adults, thanks.

These three comments, taken in or out of context, apparently have caused enough ire to provide me with enough, uhm, fan mail, to keep the walls of my pet cages lined for years.

I do not apologize for any of them. I believe in the right to free thought. I post each here, to prove, one and for all, exactly how proud of these statement I truly am.

Cathe Jones

OPEN LETTER FOR MARY AND KEVIN TILLMAN

2007-04-29T22:55:00.000-07:00

I write this as a Veteran of the United States Navy. I write this as a woman. I write this as an American. I write this as a humanitarian. As I write, as a devout Atheist, I am telling you, as I write, I think about a man. I think about Pat Tillman and who he was :

Pat Tillman, Atheist.
Pat Tillman, Humanist.
Pat Tillman, Human Being.
Pat Tillman, American.
Pat Tillman, Soldier.
Pat Tillman, HERO.
Pat Tillman. MURDERED.

Pat Tillman was a son, a brother, and a friend to many. Courage recounted by the men in his brigade. Humor recounted by friends in his high school, his team, his family, his life. He was a real guy, with a real heart, and his legacy wasn't going to be left to some one who has the brain power of a shoe, the one who uttered the phrase "worm dirt". His legacy is far better, and far greater. He stands with those who, like the men and women who have died in wars and battles for this country in the last four hundred years, (because, some may recall, we landed here as a group of immigrants fighting for a land to live in which would allow us religious freedoms), as patriots, and justice fighters.

When George Washington, (whose allegiance to the Masons far outweighed anything a church could toss at him), sat with Thomas Paine, (a man who thought the idea of being human was more important than being subservient to a book), they discussed developing a document with Thomas Jefferson, (a man who never once said he believed in GOD of any type), and found the idea that religious freedoms applied this new country. When every member of the Continental Congress discussed the Muslim nations, they revered the wisdom of the eastern cultures for the greatness of their history, and, so much so, there were even discussions then that, in THAT day of age, if there were not respect paid to the cultures of the Middle East, then wars would certainly ensue. Every moment of our country developed with this very century in mind. But our own current government allows for the prejudices of ignorance to not only be part of our every day existence, but to exist as protocol of the day in our military, and certainly in our own White House. And, the case of Pat Tillman proves this point.

Atheists die in foxholes.

Whether Tillman wore his lack of faith on his chest as a badge, or simply as a comment of common sense, is nothing of shame. There isn't a secret whispered. It's a point of fact that some people, and mostly those who have thought and reason, simply don't think of deities and fairies as life guides, and trust in themselves, and humanity. His mother, Mary, is a reminder of how strong and smart women are in this world, and how much a mother's love can carry forth a message. She is proudly fighting, and rightly so, against the stupidity of the military that blundered in many ways when it came to giving information about the death of her son.

She has asked for her rights, and only her rights. She's been in the press and vilified by the most idiotic reporters who have asked "What do you say when someone says 'Your son is worm food', or 'Atheists don't matter'? And her son, Kevin, has been vocally and valiantly standing by both his mother and his dead brother's memory. They have been speaking before committees, and to Congressmen. They have stated their arguments to lawyers, and reporters. There are now thousands of Atheists in the United States military who are opening up about their REASONABLE beliefs.

So, why does Mary work so hard? What has spurred Mary on? One of the investigatprs told her, point blank, people like her, those who weren't Christians, were being "Pains in the asses". Anger does a lot to a mother who is fighting to find out what it was that caused her son, who wasn't even old enough to have his first grey hair yet, to die on foreign soil. And, anger can erupt over words, especially from those who are so petty as to utter them to a mother fighting for the rights granted by the country for which her son was in duty to serve.

He, an atheist, died in that foxhole.

And she, a mother, supports his memory, in her fight to find truth.

And Justice.

It's the American Way.

To her, and to all the mothers of the soldiers who are wondering if those kids of theirs are ever going to spill food on the couch and see another dumb commercial for a bad sitcom, and for all the brothers who are hoping to hear a crappy joke from a late night out with their brothers and sisters still stuck in the Middle East, thank Mary Tillman and thank Kevin Tillman. Because of them, and because of others who are just being "pains in the asses", you may get the truth of why we are still fighting a war that will never be won.

And maybe, just maybe, an Atheist will protect your kids long enough to keep them alive, and get them home safely. Because, as we are learning, Atheists do die in foxholes.

Those, we are learning, who sit at home and pray in their White Houses are certainly not doing much else to bring those kids home.

CJ

gnosos: Reflections on Mourning for Virginia Tech

2007-04-26T00:28:00.000-07:00

gnosos: Reflections on Mourning for Virginia Tech

The Power of Atheists At Virginia Tech

2007-04-25T23:16:00.000-07:00

This is the first blog for me, as the author of a book on grief. But it isn't my first blog by any means. In fact, I've been online since 1984, so it's probably safe to say I'm probably a little old lady when it comes to the internet, even though I'm only just turning 43. (For some, that may seem like a little old lady regardless.)

I have been online with members of the Virginia Tech community since about noon April, 16th. Some students found me searching for "Atheist support", while others for "Atheist, Grief". They were surprised that there was only one outlet. But, they were more surprised that I was right there, answering the emails within a minutes. I didn't have a choice. They had been attacked, and I had to be there for them. As a former college student, and as a former college instructor, I didn't see any other choice.

The next few days, I was surprised to find myself facing the task of finding counselors and support for many of these kids who were feeling very lost. Many felt betrayed by the very staff who were there on the campus. Not to say that the staff at VT isn't wonderful-- it's that some of the people were unaware that the simple act of offering "prayers" to an Atheist, or saying something like "She's in a better place now", or even saying, "Let us pray", is almost like telling an Atheist, "You don't matter, and I don't really care how you feel." Well, it's not ALMOST doing so, it is exactly doing so.

And those who thought of themselves as superior humanitarians, and somehow above reproach would post these pathetic monologues regarding their opinions of Atheists in regards to the tragedies that were brought upon by a young, mentally ill boy, who ranted and quoted students for Columbine. One of these faux intellects was not only ranting against Atheists, but somehow blamed us for causing all the ills of the world. And, of course, Mr. Graham arrived on the campus, and touted that "demons" had taken over that boy, which of course explained his behavior. All of this is just nonsense, and all of this is just not worth linking to-- You can certainly find it on every search engine, and every news site simply by seeking out the key words.

But, something very wonderful happened. Despite the painful moments, and the awful sounds of the gunfire still resonating through the dreams of many of those who are living in that town in West Virginia, the Atheists proved to be the strongest and truest humanitarians. Just a week ago today, a young man posted this blog: Reflections on the Mourning for Virginia. It's poetry aside, he truly brings the heart of every student to the forefront, and doesn't belittle the minds of the readers. And, often quoted, a professor at the university dissected the rants of a lunatic with his Atheist At Virginia Tech commentary the following day. It's finally been stated in the news that Tillman, the soldier and football player, who died a hero in Iraq, also died an Atheist. And, Ellen Johnson was a guest on Fox News and CNN talking about it. Meanwhile, a blogger posts about my hero, Phil Paulson the same week. (Why does Tillman rank with Virginia? His stone was placed this week, during the funeral ceremonies of these young students, and fine faculty members. His funeral stone has an Atheist symbol, so it was not aired on National television.)

And, Atheists came to write to me, to ask me if I needed help tending to the students. Professors, artists, counselors, students, and even celebrities have written offering time to talk to the people who have asked for help. I've emailed humanist and secular organizations seeking teens and college students so that we have some peers available on our forums. For those who read this and who want to contribute time, the forums are spam free, and all registrants are verified before they can post. Just click here.

On Friday, the 20th, Atheist Alliance International put out a press release naming Godless Grief the official sanctioned site for anyone to come to for solace and assistance. That was pretty huge for us. Atheists don't do anything to help other Atheists? I guess that's just an untrue statement. And it's even more ridiculous when you consider the source. Those comments come from bloggers and 'news' sources which don't even bother to list or link any humanist organizations such as:

The Atheist Alliance International Member Sites: http://atheistalliance.org/aai/members.php

International Humanist and Ethical Union Member Sites:
http://www.iheu.org/contacts

Freethought Forums
http://www.freethoughtforum.org/resources/sites.aspx

And there are other groups, such as the Freethought Society of Greater Philadelphia, The Thomas Paine Foundation, and hundreds of other organizations across the world that are not of any gods, or religions. The active, humanitarian efforts of non-godfearing people are far more prevalent than those who tend to babble on without thinking would like to believe.

In fact, I find the greater humanitarians, and the greater hearts lie in those who have the wisest minds. Those minds are not cluttered with the idea that talking to oneself will cure the world's ills. Instead, they put action before reaction, and they put effort before anger. These people are far saner, and far better read, certainly better spoken, and I would venture to say, better humanitarians. I am honored to walk amongst them. As a Veteran, as an American, and as an Atheist, I mourn for those lost to the madman's gun in Virginia Tech. And, as a humanitarian, I will work for those who seek my help.

Cathe Jones, CJ@GodlessGrief.com